Thursday, October 14, 2010
Donk-Soulja Boy (GUEST REVIEWER SUSIE GUTOWSKI)
Review by: Susie Gutowski
As a woman with a butt like a sandwich-bag full of JELLO, I always appreciate a song that promotes
female butt-awareness. So when it was time to review Soulja Boy's hit "Donk," I was more than excited
to sit back on my precious posterior and let the self-esteem meter go way up. Instead, what I got was a
stale booty send-up, completely lacking emotional connection with the donk in question.
In fact, Soulja Boy (who is responsible for the memorable ditty "Crank That") teaches us that any rapper
worth his weight in diamond teeth can do whatever he wants, including producing a song composed
entirely of choruses. I suppose his song inspiration come from well-known psychological research,
specifically: repetition breeds recognition.
These two phrases are repeated over and over again, making up nearly 90% of the song:
• "She got a donk/She got a donk/She got a donk/She got a donk."
• "Shake some with it/Shake some with it/Shake some with it/Shake some with it."
Yes, that’s it. She got a donk. Shake some with it. Statement of fact. Instruction. Rinse. Repeat.
Truth be told, Soulja Boy seems more concerned with creating cute little dances with his boys than
singing about fine ass. Why tease us with promise of pro-rump lyrics? That’s what we’re all here for. I
think Pablo Picasso said it best when he said “Big booty! I’m sprung!”
Wheezy rating: 2/5. We recommend Soulja Boy turn to some comparative literature and take some
notes before releasing his next record. We sincerely recommend these derrière-inspired jams:
Bubba Sparxxx (featuring Ying Yang Twins) - "Ms New Booty"
Sipping on Patron (blong blong blong!)
Shorty in a thong (wom wom wom!)
Ass get the jiggling, motherf*cking wigglin’/
Get that thing shaking, like she frost bit shivering/
Ass be delivering, all type of flashes, cashes/
Got these hoes shaking that molasses
Ludacris - "Money Maker":
And I just wanna take a little ride on your curves/
And get erotic, giving your body just what it deserves/
And let me give you some swimmin' lessons on the penis/
Back stroke, breast stroke, stroke of a genius.
Sir-Mix-A-Lot "Baby Got Back"
“My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.”
You're better than this, Soulja Boy. Next time when I say DONK, you better scream "How high?!?"
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Have you considered that perhaps Soulja Boy was crafting a satire on the state of modern rap? Perhaps the simplicity of his lyrics ironically speak volumes - a commentary on the lack of message in modern rap, lyrics discarded in favor of images of splendor.
ReplyDeleteOne could liken Soulja Boy's "Donk" to Paul McCartney's ode "Why Don't We Do It In The Road". WDWDIITR is both short and simple, consisting of 1:42 of 12-bar blues with only the lyrics "Why don't we do it in the road?" and "no one will be watching us." The McCartney number was written by Paul after observing two monkeys copulating on a street in India and caused Paul to ponder thoughts like "why do humans make things so complicated? Monkeys just do it in the road and that's all they need."
Certainly nothing could be simpler than a song with a title like "Donk" and the lyrics "She got a donk" and "shake some with it". Should we ridicule Soulja Boy for this? Perhaps instead we should praise him for the elegance of his simplicity.
I think Soulja boy is just trying his damndest to get another hit dance after "Crank That". I cannot follow this dance for the life of me. And I'm not above going to a youtube "How to Donk" instructional video, but I just don't care. It's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteGreat review!
Once Soulja Boy gets his own Guitar Hero/Rock Band, then (AND ONLY THEN) will I give him the allowance of "elegance in simplicity". Chip, I kindly suggest you get off your Mark Rothko communist high horse and get me a Coke!
ReplyDeleteSo, your litmus test for musical accomplishment and credibility is whether or not the musical prodigies at Activision/Harmonix decide it would be profitable enough to make a video game with your group? Yeah, that's a sound plan there, G.
ReplyDeleteAlso, since you brought it up, Rothko's work is meant to evoke an intimate connection between the viewer an the painting. That he can accomplish this intimacy with such "simple" paintings is impressive in itself.
If you would like to celebrate this with the drinking of a commercial soft beverage like Coca-Cola, so be it.